In Epic SNL Cold Open, Tom Hanks, Tina Fey, Melissa McCarthy ...

From the very first word of the show—Tom Hanks' distinguished “Hi”—the studio audience was all in on Saturday Night Live's Christmas episode. There was no stodgy political cold open for us to suffer through this week before Christmas, not when host Martin Short was being ushered into the five-timers club. Hanks was quickly joined by fellow five-timer Paul Rudd to celebrate their newest member. And the stars kept coming, like little Russian dolls wrapped in purple velvet. Tina Fey. Alec Baldwin. Scarlett Johansson, who slammed the door on tagalong husband Colin Jost. A particularly saucy Kristen Wiig, who warned Short that they wouldn't make love like the last time and that went for Emma Stone as well, unless she sucked more of her Marty-tini down. One notable absence from the party: our beloved host's OMITB co-star Steve Martin. ("He had a conflict with me not wanting him to be here," joked Short.)

One of the best laughs of the night came during a round of the five-timers making confessions to one another. After Rudd copped to Ant Man's lame powers and Fey admitted it was her in fact who was flying those mysterious drones, Hanks revealed, “I never had Covid.”

Melissa McCarthy explained that the five-timers club was a place for sophisticated banter, where members would sip politely from their Hidden Valley ranch dressing rather than guzzle it. She then proceeded to throw herself through a wall, with John Mulaney making his entrance by stepping over her body. “Is there anything nonalcoholic?” Mulaney asked of the room. “Do you mean drinks or people? Either way, no,” said Fey. When Short snapped his fingers for “jacket boy,” Jimmy Fallon appeared bearing the prized smoking jacket. What a truly joyful sight to see all these funny people crammed together on stage to lift up their treasure of a friend. As Short cried “Live from New York!” Hanks and Rudd jumped in the air behind him like kids on Christmas morning.

You'd think Short's monologue would dip after an opener like that, but he kept his energy cranked high. Flanked by an ocean of red poinsettias, he tried to explain the dynamic between himself and longtime friend Lorne Michaels: “We're kind of like Trump and Elon Musk, without the sexual tension.” Short got in some good digs at Musk's cyber truck grotesqueries and dear Sarah Sherman's layers ("don't worry, one day that haircut will grow up") before moving on to the main event. Hark, this Canadian angel sings. Set to the tune of “We Need a Little Christmas,” Short belted about the necessity of quality prescription drugs during the frenetic holiday season while taking us on a high kick tour backstage. At one point he draped himself across a psychiatrist's chaise and moaned, “I have this recurring dream that I'm eating Armie Hammer!” When he ran into Michaels and Fallon, Short did a double take at the boyish late-night host and marveled “God, I'm attracted to you” before treating him to a lusty snog.